NVIDIA Wants to Make Compute an Asset Class. The Lab Rats Are Tokenizing Cheese.
COMPUTE IS AN ASSET CLASS?!
AI Labs immediately demands equal recognition for cheese.
Scene 1 — Breaking News
Professor Squeakenheimer bursts into the laboratory holding a tablet.
Professor: “RATS! Wall Street is talking about COMPUTE as an asset class!”
Everyone gasps.
Cheddar slowly looks down at the enormous wheel of Swiss cheese he’s holding.
Cheddar: “Then what the hell have we been accumulating?”
Scene 2 — Emergency Treasury Meeting
Cheddar calls an emergency meeting.
Holographic board:
TRADITIONAL ASSET CLASSES
- Stocks
- Bonds
- Real Estate
- Commodities
- Compute 🆕
- CHEESE ???
Cheddar pounds the table.
Cheddar: “Compute depreciates. Cheese AGES.”
Leverage Louie jumps up:
“He’s got a point.”
Scene 3 — Financial Engineering Begins
Vector tokenizes the cheese.
Leverage Louie creates Cheese Futures.
Mousetradamus begins forecasting Gouda prices.
Agent Bob launches a decentralized cheese exchange.
Professor asks:
“What produces the yield?”
Louie:
“The cheese.”
Professor:
“Finally, something around here actually produces something.”
Scene 4 — Wall Street Discovers Cheese
A giant screen flashes:
🧀 CHEESE: THE NEXT ALTERNATIVE ASSET CLASS
Cheddar announces:
“Limited supply. Global demand. Portable. Fungible-ish. Edible. No electricity required.”
Doomrat raises his paw.
“Doesn’t cheese eventually go bad?”
Cheddar:
“That’s called depreciation.”
Scene 5 — The AI Labs Portfolio of the Future
The Lab Rats proudly unveil their diversified portfolio:
30% COMPUTE
20% CRYPTO
10% GOLD
40% CHEESE
Professor:
“Are we overexposed to cheese?”
Cheddar:
“You can’t eat a GPU.”
LAB RAT LESSON
“If compute can become an asset class, cheese would like a meeting with Goldman Sachs.”
100% Experimental. 0% Financial Advice. 40% Dairy.
